There’s a meme out there somewhere, something like: Dating in your 40s… Are we doing this? Because I’ve got shit to do.
I find at my age, the worst thing you can do is waste my time and waste my energy. Because yes… I’ve got shit to do!
I believe a relationship should be mutually beneficial. Couples should support and respect each other, be a positive addition to each others lives. Otherwise, what’s the point?
And when a member of the couple decides the partnership is no longer viable, they need to end it.
Out of respect, just do it.
Don’t drag it out, hemming and hawing, hoping the other person will get fed up and do the deed for you.
You may think that course is an act of kindness. It is not!
You are sending the person who cares for you, loves you even, on an emotional roller-coaster. A soul racking, energy sucking ride, and they will end up thinking worse of you than if you had the nerve to make a clean break.
It’s the difference between a quick stab with a sharp knife, and slowly pushing a spoon into your “beloved.”
A bit graphic, but there it is.
When you break up with someone unwillingly it’s a huge adjustment. You miss the person in your life. You have to erase the vision of that shared future, and create a new one or revert to an old one.
Perhaps worst of all you question your own judgement. How could I have trusted this person? Should I have seen it coming?
These are normal steps on the path to healing. The sooner that journey begins, the better. If you don’t understand why the breakup had to happen, or worse, when said partner actually let go…the pain is amplified, the self-doubt debilitating.
It’s hard to get things done.
And I’ve got shit to do.
A proper break-up can make the transition easier.
So here it is:
How to Break Up in 2 Easy Steps
2—Answer your former partners questions. I mean real answers, not “I don’t know,” or “I can’t answer that.” You know why you’re doing what you’re doing, it was your decision, simply share your thought process. Be honest. If you really don’t know why you do what you do, please work on self-awareness. It’s really a critical life skill.
There it is. It’s hard to believe that needs to be spelled out.
I suppose it boils down to men and women thinking differently. I believe women need to process more than men do. In order to process, you need information. If you have nothing to go on, you start making things up, trying to figure it out, creating a big, whirling vortex of despair. And men, I think they prefer not to know why themselves, leading them to ghost or bench. That and not wanting to face the pain they’ve created. Too damn bad, ‘cause that’s just part of life.
If you can’t end a relationship, don’t start one.
I still love the idea of partnering up. Facing the world as a team should be easier than as a single. But for me it just doesn’t seem to work out. A year ago, after having taken myself out of the game for more years than I care to admit, I decided to give dating another go. Surely it would be better. The men would be more mature, experienced, they would know what they want…yeah right.
I loved the last man I was with. I truly thought we would last. That belief changed the way I viewed the world and the way I saw myself. Now I’m angry. I’m hurt. I feel tricked and used by all those fine words of love and devotion.
“Don’t break my heart,” he said. Really? I should have countered with “don’t try to do me in with a spoon.”
It’s ok though. I like my single self. I’m smart and inquisitive, so I’m never bored. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want. I have a life to live, just as much as you do. And now I have to face the exhausting task of reorganizing that life. I’ll do it of course, of that I have no doubt. And eventually I’ll be the Happy Spinster once again…because I’ve got shit to do!
PLEASE! I would love to hear your thoughts on breaking up, the right and wrong way to do it—is my thinking way off course? Guys especially, please share your point of view! Help us understand!